Happy First Birthday, Rex.
One year and two days ago I was in denial that I could possibly be in labor. The midwives were over for a standard home visit at 10am. I was already partially dialed and effaced at 36 weeks and 6 days.
“Do you feel any contractions?” They asked. “No, just a light period cramp feeling that comes and goes,” I replied. “Sometimes labor can feel like a period cramp…” they cautioned.
Rex was born 24 hours later when I pushed him out on all fours, unmedicated, in my bed, to the tune of Beyoncé. If it sounds like I’m bragging, it’s because I am. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and the proudest moment of my life.
I had a lot of expectations of pregnancy and motherhood, but mostly I wanted growth. I wanted a seismic shift. That’s exactly what I got.
Motherhood rearranged me. It gave me a new fire. My purpose is resolute and big bold decisions are easier to make (we recently quit our jobs, are moving 1200 miles away, and are starting a business). This confidence reminds me of a younger, more energized me. And how could I not be energized by watching the product of my love with my husband grow from my womb to the world?
Rex is forever curious—pointing to all things interesting and asking “THAT‽”. My gemini king is never afraid to let us know what he is feeling. What once was an ear to ear grin can quickly become a sad face that puts the emoji to shame. Best of all, he’s a loverboy. All he ever wants is closeness and connection. Isn’t that all anyone ever wants?
Seeing the world as a parent (especially Rex’s) is more hopeful and inspiring than I could have ever dreamed. Thank you, Rex for giving me the gift of you.
In honor of Rex’s day, I want to share Rex’s birth story (again) in two formats. Happy Birthday to my baby!
Rex’s Birth Story
You can listen to my birth story recording here. Thank you to Our Birthing Stories for this interview, edit, and audio artifact.
The following was originally shared on my instagram on July 21, 2023.
Why homebirth? It's a simple answer with a long backstory, but I’ll keep it short. I chose to give birth at home because it symbolized absolute trust in my body. The past few years I’ve been on a journey to improve my hormonal health. After a decade of painful periods, bouts of hormonal acne, and fluctuating anxiety, I changed my diet, shifted my exercise routine, and got off the pill. Even though I felt better than ever, I still didn’t trust my body to conceive. After 6+ months of trying, a phone call from a doctor who said it wasn’t possible, and one epic Grecian vacation to relax and unwind, I peed on a stick and saw two lines.
This transformed my outlook. I no longer doubted what my body was capable of. Instead, I entered my pregnancy fully trusting the process and embracing the changes that come with growing life. For me, pregnancy was a celebration of womanhood and birth was a spiritual journey in becoming a mother.
When I got off birth control, I watched my body take the lead in what it was designed to do without my interference. I wanted to witness that same miracle through birth. For me, that meant having my baby at home with my husband, three trusted midwives, and an incredibly supportive doula.
Reading positive stories of birth helped me find joy and happiness with my own experience. With that in mind, I wanted to share my own journey, hoping it can add some positivity to the pregnancy and birth landscape.
After a weekend questioning if my water was leaking, my midwives came over on Tuesday for a home visit. My water was still intact, but things were definitely progressing. I was 3cm dilated and 50% effaced! They asked if I felt any cramping. Sure, I’d felt a cramp from time to time, but there was no consistency and they only felt like period cramps. I was only 37 weeks along and because of my family history I thought there was no way this baby was coming early.
Later that night we went to Home Depot to buy a hose for the birth pool. As we walked through the isles, I would pause as I felt a cramp creep in. Zay looked at me and asked flatly, “Are you in labor?”
Back at our apartment, I called my mom. I told her about the midwife visit and my surprising progress, but paused to acknowledge each cramp as it passed. “Are you having contractions?” she asked.
I decided to take a bath. As I sat in the tub, Zay read ‘Possible Signs of Labor’ from The Birth Partner. We laughed as I realized I was experiencing nearly all signs on the list: urge to nest, contractions, partial effacement… As he read, I timed the cramps. They were consistent and kept coming despite my attempt to relax in the tub.
I was able to get a little sleep, but ultimately woke up around 5am on Wednesday. I decided I might as well finish the last of three postpartum meals I was making the day before (nesting energy still high!) In between cooking and cleaning, I breathed through each contraction.
Zay told me he was staying home from work. “Is that really necessary?” I asked. The pain was still manageable enough that I questioned the validity of labor. He laughed and convinced me to take a walk so we could time the contractions.
Walking the Hudson waterfront under a clear blue sky, Zay timed each wave. Consistently 30 seconds long about 5 min apart. It was official. I was in labor. We came home and updated the midwives with my progress.
Zay tied out his work for the day and I enjoyed my time alone. I got to know my labor and distracted myself with kitchen activities between the waves of contractions. Make homemade popsicles. Wave. Rinse dishes. Wave. Heat up lunch. Wave.
I worked through contractions on my own until about noon. Each set of waves felt like a new chapter that I had to conquer. Just as soon as I’d find a comfortable position, they would shift and gain intensity.
When I suddenly felt I needed more support, Zay was there. Massaging me as we’d practiced and offering words of encouragement. Then my doula, Renee, arrived. She suggested we get in the shower and helped position me.
Renee told me to envision my body as a river and the wave as water running through it. I had a slightly more aggressive vision—my womb was like an iron gate, each wave cranking the portal more open.
We moved from the shower, to bed, to the toilet (the dilation station), and back to the bed until my midwives arrived. Because of the intensity of the contractions, I thought I must be close, but when the midwives checked I was only 5cm dilated and 70% effaced. This felt discouraging, but I quickly reminded myself of all the birth stories I’d read where women progressed from 5–10cm in as little as an hour. I was right in the middle of psychological birth. I just needed to trust my body.
The midwives encouraged me to get in the tub. “It will feel like such a relief!” I was skeptical. But sure enough, as I stepped into the tub the pain began to dissipate. The weightlessness of the water allowed me to shift from one position during contractions and then another to rest, even sleeping between each wave.
Slowly, the contractions intensified and the water was no longer easing the pain. I was experiencing an intensity I could’ve never imagined. I let out a guttural roar and the midwives who were tucked away in the other room came out immediately. I was in transition. The point of doubt, fear, and surrender.
Legs shaking, I was helped out of the tub and over to the dilation station (toilet). One giant contraction later, my water burst. I immediately felt the baby drop further into my pelvis. This was it. I yelled “It’s a birthday party!!!!” That was Zay’s cue to turn on Beyonce.
As soon as my water broke I felt a new determination wash over me. It was time to meet our baby. I got on the bed and pushed through each contraction. While CUFF IT blasted through the speakers, I worked through the most physically intense moments of my life. The pain was paired with absolute euphoria. I was amazed. My body took action exactly as it was designed.
Before I knew it, the baby’s head was out. He opened his eyes and surprised us all when he let out a soft cry. I didn’t even wait until the next contraction to push again, and suddenly he was here. Halo played as Zay caught our baby and passed him through to me.
I went from primal yelling to a soft and sweet “Hiiii Rex!” As soon as I realized it was a boy. I couldn’t believe I was looking at my son. I felt incredibly connected to him and like a stranger all at once. Who was this little man? What type of family would we become? I’m still discovering these answers, but I’m stepping into motherhood with the same thing that got me to this beautiful moment—blind trust.
Some of the best aspects of home birth are what happens after your baby is born. Birthing the placenta, delayed cord clamping, the breast crawl (look this up it’s incredible), first latch, any medical attention, and the golden hour as a family are all done from the comfort of your own bed. Before everyone left, they helped me shower, changed our sheets, and fed us dinner. Then it was just us—a family of three 🤍
I look back on my birth experience with nothing but pride for what Rex and I accomplished and love for the support we had in the process. Ina May Gaskin famously said “if a woman doesn't look like a goddess during labor, then someone isn't treating her right”. Everyone in the room made me feel like a goddess on that day and every day after.
A huge thank you to my midwives Raizy, Janis, and Mia of Birth Partners. And thank you to my doula, Renee.
And thank you Isaiah. I love you.
